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Posts Tagged ‘eating’

  1. Chili’s in Panama City: The Worst Dining Experience Ever

    April 15, 2013 by The Yum Yum

    So, on this particular day, not only was I in a bad mood, I had the single worst dining experience in the history of my life.

    Turbo decided that we should go out to eat at Chili’s. We sat in silence for most of the time because of a slight squabble that was going on.

    Noticeably, during the daytime, the Chili’s looked like an old barn someone had purchased and only halfway renovated in efforts to make it appear vaguely like a restaurant. Had a cow come around the corner at any point, my surprise would’ve been far less than one might expect.

    We arrived around lunch time, and luckily, the place wasn’t ridiculously crowded. However, that’s where the good part of this story ends.

    First, the host sat us next to a table that had at least 10 children. We sat in a teeny, tiny booth that wasn’t fit even for two of the seven dwarves. Also, if a person of a large size than, say, maybe 200 pounds had been sitting there, their ample frame would’ve been right in the middle of the aisle.

    The children weren’t the worst part; the fact that they and their family were collectively the loudest people that have ever dined outside of the home made the experience worse.

    Our server, whose name I can’t remember (luckily for him), took thousands of years to get our order and finally bring us our food. We may have been there for an hour, we may have been there for months, I don’t actually know.

    Under the vast majority of circumstances, I’m the single most benign human being when it comes to servers and the stress under which they find themselves; I understand they’re waiting on multiple tables, trying to please multiple people, working as the messengers between a steamy room full of angry cooks and a noisy room full of grouchy patrons cursed with low blood sugar.

    However, this guy looked cracked out.

    As usual, I ordered an appetizer: the pretzel bites with honey mustard dipping sauce. I think some other kind of sauce came with it.

    And my bad luck had yet to run out: my food had been placed right in front of me and Turbo for a few seconds when a man and his child walked by, and what did that child do?

    He sneezed, profusely and generously, all over my food.

    Out of the thousands, millions, infinite number of places in the entire universe and even here on humble planet Earth, the one place the the three-year-old had to sneeze was on my damned food.

    The man apologized, but apologies mean nothing in the face of food that has been seasoned with the mucus of a snotty three-year-old.

    At that moment, if I could have rounded up all the children in the world and dropped them off at a Gingerbread House complete with a witch in the middle of a forest, I would’ve done so with little hesitation.

    The word of advice: do not go to Chili’s in Panama City. The food is awful, the servers are awful, the atmosphere is awful, and I’m giving them absolutely no stars. If I never eat at that restaurant again, it will be too soon.

    Beaux

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  2. WOW! A Blog-less Week? Plus, Another Broken Egg Café Review

    November 14, 2012 by The Yum Yum

    For those of you who are unaware, we Southern folk down hear at Hickory Shade have had internet problems for years, and finally, the internet decided to go out last week completely. 

     We did, however, talk to a very, very kind woman named Sheila who works with CenturyLink. She was nothing but absolutely gracious and understanding as Gigi explained to her the story.

    Well, flash forward a bit, and I ended up in Panama City at Chris’s over the weekend, and then, we were essentially too busy for me to update the food blog. 

    I had the chance to eat at two different restaurants, both in Pensacola, on Sunday.

    Sunday morning, Chris and I awoke at 3 AM (which was really supposed to be 2 AM but he failed to pay attention to the alarm on his watch) to drive to Pensacola so he and his military buddy, Ron, could run a marathon.

    Now, call me crazy, but I don’t think I personally would have been able to run 26.2 miles, nor would I have a desire to, nor do I understand other people’s desire to.

    There were literally thousands of people who entered and ran the marathon. I don’t know when the last time I saw thousands of people was, probably at the Peanut Festival, but yes, thousands of them were there, gathered in the slightly cool morning to run for miles and miles. This helped to further diminish my self-esteem as I can’t seem to run for even one mile without becoming completely and utterly exhausted and irritable.

    Anyway, Ron’s girlfriend Jamie and their friend Hutch and I road around Pensacola, attempting to accomplish minute tasks while Chris and Ron ran and ran and ran. We stopped for breakfast, even though I admitted I wasn’t particularly hungry, at a place called Another Broken Egg Café. 

    Jamie warned us that it was a little expensive but well-worth it.

    Another Broken Egg Café is very, very posh, featuring signs written in French (the bathrooms are indicated by “La Toilette,” for instance) and even have alcohol on their menu. 

    Broken Egg is open from 7 AM until 2 PM, so you can even have brunch and a very, very late breakfast. 

    The food, as we were warned, was a little high, but my cheese omelet I ordered was only around the $8 mark. You have to consider, though, that I also left $2 in tip for the server. 

    Now, on to the review! 

    Food and Drink Quality: Extremely, extremely high. Jamie ordered a Mimosa which she let Hutch and me taste- and it was amazing. My cheesy omelet was huge, light, and fluffy, and even though I didn’t finish most of it, I did enjoy what I had. Definitely five smiley faces. 

    Cleanliness: From what I could still, absolutely spic-and-span. Five smiley faces. 

    Service: Our server (whose name I can’t remember) was neither imposing nor ultra-friendly. The manager did come over to us and greet us, though, asking how we were, so I would say it was all mediocre. Also, towards the end, I had the slightest feeling that we were being rushed. Three smiley faces.

    Cost versus Product: Well, I would agree that they’re a little on the expensive side, but on the other hand, my $8 landed me a huge omelet that had to have been made with half a carton of eggs along with English muffins and “Southern potatoes” which is a fancy name for hash browns that have been diced very nicely. I feel absolutely awful that I didn’t finish most of it, but I wasn’t terribly hungry, I didn’t realize how much they would be bringing me, and we were out and about, not near a fridge, so I didn’t want to risk keeping an egg in the car and it somehow going bad and poisoning me later on. Bapaw’s always been big about not wasting food and using extreme frugality, which he passed on to me, but also, Daddy didn’t raise no fool. In fact, recently, I left Hickory Shade as I was telling Bapaw that I had to go solve the problems of people who had no common sense, and his only response was that I was going to find that was most people. Anyway, back to the Café: I’ll give them four and a half smileys here. 

    Atmosphere: Very posh, featuring fans that had only two blades and generally decorative lighting and good music playing, though admittedly this was before 10 AM, so I have little recollection of what all the music was. Also five smileys.

    Vegetarian and Modified-Diet Friendliness: I didn’t really check so much for this, but it’s mostly breakfast food, so I’m not sure how many other veg-heads eat eggs the way I do. I’ll just skip this score. 

    That brings us to a happy total of…

    4.5 SMILEY FACES!!!

    If you love breakfast food, and you’re a gluttonous American like most, you’ll love Another Broken Egg Café with their huge portions and bougie atmosphere. In a way, it feels like the kind of place people go to make themselves feel like they’re weathlier and have higher status than actually do. Everyone knows the truly posh only dine at restaurants that have no multiple versions of themselves. The higher the numbers the restaurants have, the less important they are in reality.

    Get your nosh on!

    Beaux

     

     

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  3. Fried Green Tomato Burgers

    October 31, 2012 by The Yum Yum

    So sometime during the past week, Gigi sold her soul to the local witches and invented some concoction called a Fried Green Tomato Burger. It’s pretty delicious. She first indicated it as I was talking to her about Jesus and bursting into tears over the story of how my priest actually saw Jesus. 

    The scenario went like this:

    Me: “He saw Jesus!” *MEGA SOB*

    Gigi: “…yeah, did you try that fried green tomato burger?”

    I suppose Father Tom wouldn’t mind me sharing the story on here as he had no problem telling me about, and I’m still not totally sure why the story made me as emotional as it did, but all I know is that every time I thought about the story and Jesus and even now as I’m thinking of the story that it makes me so emotional that all I can do is burst into tears. It’s not a sad story by any means which is why it’s so weird that I cry thinking about it. 

    Anyway, I ate the fried green tomato burger, then asked Gigi to make me a whole one. Half of the whole one fell apart.

    Then I called her from work today and asked her to make me another one which had fallen apart before I even arrived home, surprise, surprise. 

    Basically, substitute a fried green tomato for a hamburger patty, and you know what we’re talking about. Also, try it with ranch dressing since that’s even better than mayonnaise on this delicious product of witchery. Hopefully, Gigi will be able to buy her soul back with some fried frog’s legs. 

    Now I can’t even think of why the conversation went to Father Tom and Jesus in the first place, GAH. 

    Beaux 

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  4. Oyster Stew Review

    October 26, 2012 by The Yum Yum

    To the person who commented on my Youtube video about oyster stew to inform me that I “ruined the oysters by cooking them too long,” I would like to take this blog space to say a few things. 

    On Wednesday, thanks to her wonderful hospitality, I visited my friend Kelly and prepared an oyster stew for her. I made the so-called attempt to not “overcook” the oysters as this one particular A-hole had accused me of doing. 

    So, I prepared first the stew, only adding the oysters at the last minute and kind of allowing their flavors to cook in at that point.

    And you know what? 

    It wasn’t as good as when I put the oysters in from the get-go. The whole allegation about the oysters becoming tough and such is patently false from my experience.

    So guess what, oyster stew critic? Up your nighty with a blowtorch!

    Recently, I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf. It’s called, “I’m right the first time most of the time,” and also called, “Stop listening to other people who have no commonsense and obviously don’t know what they’re talking about from the get-go.”

    Now, this latest oyster stew was not BAD, per se- it’s just that the oysters weren’t nearly as tender and torn apart and spread throughout the stew as they normally are when I make oyster stew.

    Also, paprika, garlic, onion, and celery seed are pretty much the perfect spices to use with oyster stew, just sayin’.

    Get your nosh on!

    Beaux 

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  5. So Many Things to Say, So Little Time!

    October 8, 2012 by The Yum Yum

    Let’s begin with yesterday’s events: I was lured to going to Kelly’s house to make Halloween decorations for the Great Halloween Bash later these month. And I mean, that’s fine- I didn’t realize we weren’t actually going to be decorating last night. 

    On the other hand, making Halloween decorations, as it turned out, is fun. We made ghosts using old sheets and the stuffing of several pillows that we cut open. Kelly gave a neat how-to of making ghosts, and those of us present made several ghosts each. 

    I compared the process to something Gigi did when I was a kid- she would take paper towels, twist them, tie them, and then do little ghost faces on them.

    Anyway, I have a ton of pictures of the decorations we made, so I’ll try to post them on here later. 

    Kelly bought some baguettes and brie JUST FOR ME! She heated the round of brie to let it melt a little, then added walnuts to the top. So. Good. 

    Then I went the extra mile and did something I never do: I added some honey to the bread and then topped it with brie.

    Brie has a very distinct, strong taste to it that’s difficult to explain, and the honey goes along with it just fine.

    Honey’s never been my favorite food as a spoonful is too sweet. But think of it: a spoonful of sugar is too sweet, despite what Mary Poppins might have you think. I guess when one takes medicine, it helps.

    Ms. Alice always crushed up aspirin and put it in honey, which is probably I spent most of my childhood thining aspirin tasted sweet. A few years ago, I found some baby aspirin that was fruity-flavored, and I’ll be a skeleton monkey’s uncle if it didn’t taste exactly like the aspirin Ms. Alice used to give us as kids. I thought I had imagined it, but apparently, I was right all along.

    …

    …

    …

    AS I USUALLY AM!!!

    I swear, I am the world’s worst second-guesser but the world’s best got-it-right-the-first-timer.

    Anyway, Gigi has this obsession with screaming at the feral cats that my family continues to feed when they get on the front porch. She’s screamed at them literally for years, and it doesn’t work. And you know what they say: insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

    So the conversation goes like this:

    Gigi: “GET OFF THE PORCH!”

    Me: “Mama, stop yelling.”

    Gigi: “Don’t you tell me to stop!”

    Me: “Don’t you tell me to not tell you to stop!”

    Seriously, it’s really, really annoying. 

    On the other hand, if anyone’s got any ideas on how to keep feral cat off a porch, please enlighten us. If your idea involves putting an electric fence around the porch, politely go shove a lit blow-torch up your nightgown.

    In the meantime, Gigi and I will continue to battle the cats that won’t let us pet them but that we, for some God unknown reason, will continue to feed anyway. I mean, for folks who get so upset about people who are on welfare, we sure treat those cats like little gods! If they were pets that let us hold them and pet them and love on them, I’d have no problem; they won’t even let us do that, though, except for one black-and-white female cat, and she barely lets us touch her. And the worst part? They’re all really, really pretty! They don’t look mangy and evil; they’re all fairly decent looking cats that are just mean as H. E. Double Hockeysticks. 

    What irritates me at that point is that Bapaw’s explanation is that the cats have never been around people.

    …

    …

    …

    HELLO?! THE CATS BREED, AND THEN  WE FEED THEM! THEY’RE 100% DEPENDENT ON WE HUMANS, YET THEY’VE NEVER BEEN AROUND PEOPLE, EVEN THOUGH THEY’VE BEEN BORN AND “RAISED” HERE?! WHAT THE HAM SANDWICH?!

    Of course, the compassionate part of me understands that I don’t want animals to starve.

    The problem is, those animals are feral and can hunt for themselves. They aren’t pets and never have been. We’ve watched them stalk birds and other animals that are around.

    Anyway, if anyone wants a free cat, bring a kitty carrier trap, and come on down to Hickory Shade to get them. You can take them, no charge, easily.

    Go get your nosh on…and please, have some of the free kitties!

    Beaux 

     

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  6. Beaux’s Helpful Cooking Hints

    October 2, 2012 by The Yum Yum

    Yes, I’ve been making mashed potatoes using the instant potato mix. 

    Sue me.

    The trick to a lot of food isn’t just making it completely homemade or making it from some instant mix; the trick, instead, is to know which ingredients work together to enhance the flavor.

    Potatoes have a particular issue: they’re bland by nature.

    Okay, that’s not quite true. Go slice a raw potato and eat it to discover that raw potatoes have a kind of spiciness inherent in many roots.

    Then consider that potatoes and ginger go very well together, and consider, too, that they’re both technically roots that we eat.

    So I shall amend myself to say that cooked potatoes are by bland by nature.

    The solution to blandness of potato is, of course, salt and spices.

    Maw-Maw has ruined me on mashed potatoes because of how incredibly delicious hers are. So, that’s why I can no longer eat mashed potatoes that don’t include mayonnaise in them.

    Typically, I don’t have sour cream on hand, so lately, I’ve been using my latest secret ingredient: buttermilk.

    Buttermilk mashed potatoes will put many, many dishes to shame.

    So that’s my first helpful cooking hints: if you need a tangy flavor in your potatoes, add mayonnaise and add buttermilk.

    The second helpful cooking hint is that if you have leftover mashed potatoes, you can always turn them into potato soup by adding water and milk…or buttermilk. 

    Potato soup is suitable in which to add spices such as oregano and chives. Caramelized onions or shallots along with bacon or sausage are also suitable. If you don’t eat meat, get the soy Bac’n Bits or some Morning Star bacon or sausage and go for it.

    Go get your nosh on!

    Beaux

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  7. On Trying to Convince Grumpy Old Southerners to Eat Healthier

    September 26, 2012 by The Yum Yum

    For those of you who are unaware, Bapaw had a heart attack back in April of this year. 

    After that, for a while, he did a better job of not eating the foods that are, well, bad for your heart.

    Now, he’s eating fried chicken, ice cream, and Hoop cheese.

    And that’s just today’s menu.

    Despite all my protests and despite the fact that he’s more intelligent than to sit down and eat things that are not good for his health, he goes right on with it, not stopping for a moment.

    So, what is it with the old Southern men that causes them to be so stuck in their ways and so stubborn about things? 

    And yes, I know, I can’t be excused entirely from this since I’ve made food with salt and butter since the heart attack as well, but I also have made a LOT of food without using salt and just added it to my own dish.

    But good grief.

    Bapaw’s universal response is that something has to kill you.

    Yes, but we don’t want you to die from something that you could have prevented.

    Or should I say, that WE could have prevented, since I’m not the going who’s buying the butter and ice cream. 

    HINT, HINT.

    We have the substitute butter and salt, and I’ve even used that for Bapaw’s toast a few times since it explains how to make buttered toast with it- and I made some for myself this way, and it was equally excellent.

    This goes back to this whole thing of me likening myself to a prophet. Please read that carefully: likening myself to, not overtly stating that I am a prophet, because I’m not. Prophets oftentimes prophesy to no avail, and people only listen when it’s too late.

    I mean, the whole jig would be different if Bapaw only ate cheese like once a week, but today, he went straight for the WORST POSSIBLE FOODS that he could find in the house.

    I need help, people! Leave me lots of comments on advice with how to cook good-tasting, low-fat, good-for-your-heart foods!!!

    And help me get my nosh on while you get yours on!

    Beaux 

     

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  8. Smoked Cheese Dip, Anyone?

    September 15, 2012 by The Yum Yum

    Last Sunday night, Kelly made a fantastic Velveeta cheese dip.

    She sent some home with me the other day when I visited her because of the sheer amount that remained.

     

    The next day, I spiced up the remaining cheese dip in my own way. I do adore cheese dip, but I like my dip to have a lot of veggies and various flavors in it.

     

    So, I added a can of rotel tomatoes along with cumin and Liquid Smoke. This gave the cheese a smokier flavor, and everyone knows how good smoked cheese tastes.

     

    Then today, Gigi made chili.

     

    So guess what Beaux did?

     

    That’s right, the smoked cheese dip became one with the chili and enhanced the flavor of it as well. Woohoo!

     

    Oh, yeah, I think I also added garlic to it, but I can’t remember at this point. Either way, the flavor turned out fantastic, and so I’m sharing my little secrets with all of you!

     

    Get your nosh on!

     

    Beaux

     

     

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  9. Almost September AGAIN! Also, Talking about True Blood

    August 31, 2012 by The Yum Yum

    I still can’t believe that it’s almost September. The Summer has flown by. Well, I take that back; June and July flew by, and then August arrived and has hung around in a sultry sort of way that only Southern heat can.

    Lately, I’ve been watching the hit series on HBO, True Blood. The TV show is based on a series of novels called the Southern Vampire Mysteries, also known as the Sookie Stackhouse Series, as she’s the main character.

    The name “Stackhouse” always make me think of a stack of pancakes for some reason. 

    One thing my cousin, Susanne, pointed out was that the books- and the TV show- are very Southern in nature. The books are written in Southern dialect. 

    Naturally, the TV Show took some creative license and filled out some of the characters and changed some of the story lines, sometimes for the best- for instance, Lafayette, the gay, black cook that works at the restaurant with Sookie, is one of the funniest characters that’s even been written, and I’m glad they amped him up for the TV show. 

    Anyway, there’s something comfortable about hearing the Southern dialect on a TV show and being able to relate to the Southernness of the characters. I should also point out that the True Blood series takes place largely in Louisiana, which varies considerably from Alabama in its own way. My own experience with Louisana is that it has an “old-world” type feeling. 

    Alabama’s just hot. 

    And muggy.

    The storyline is essentially that vampires have “come out of the coffin” and revealed themselves to the world after Japan created a synthetic blood product called “Tru Blood.” Vampires can survive on Tru Blood without having to feed on humans. The big debate in the vampire community is whether or not they should continue feeding on humans or simply go mainstream and drink only Tru Blood. 

    Also, the vampires have a serious superiority complex.

    Vampire blood, on the other hand, is so powerful and concentrated that it’s sold to humans a drug called “V”. It’s a very interesting concept. 

    So, what does this have to do with anything food-wise?

    I’m so glad I’m not a vampire. I’m so glad that I get to eat real, human food such as macaroni and cheese, pancakes, pizza, sushi, you name it.

    I’m also glad I get to cook such food.

    Given, along with others, if I had the chance to be turned into an actual vampire, I would probably go for it. I’m not sure I would be so happy about having to drink people’s blood, though. 

    Anyway, autumn’s approaching, or in some estimations, is already here. Thanks to the hurricane, it’s even more humid and ridiculously hot than usual. 

    I’ll try to get back to writing exclusively about food soon, but don’t plan on that happening, as I obviously like to rant about various things.

    GET YOUR NOSH ON! (But don’t drink anyone’s blood but Christ’s.)

    Beaux

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  10. Yay, an UPDATE!

    August 24, 2012 by The Yum Yum

    Finally, an update from me after several days! Woohoo, time to celebrate!

    Remember the awesome Dante’s Pizza I mentioned that was in Dothan? Yeah, that place is gone. Luckily, we still have one in Slocomb.

    But I haven’t been to that one, either. I also don’t know how well they’re doing.

    I visited Kelly’s house recently, and we had an array of delicious foods. Wes remarked that Kelly’s cooking is quite different than most food you can get anywhere else, and I agree; her food is fresh and different and just full of a different kind of vibe. We had an olive dip along with a delicious saffron rice (I think that’s what it was) and freshly sliced peppers and chunks of cheese.

    Last night, we visited a Chinese restaurant in Dothan, and I ordered my typical dish, Shrimp Lo Mein. The Shrimp Lo Mein seemed fairly typical as far as Chinese restaurant Shrimp Lo Mein goes, and it wasn’t too expensive. (For the combo, which came with an egg roll and a drink, it was only $6 and some odd change.) The pint of Shrimp Lo Mein seemed almost endless as well.

    Also, I’ve been in a really bad mood recently with no real explanation why. Today, I feel like I’m slowly coming out of it, and I joked last night that my MSG levels were simply depleted. I’ve described this angry feeling as the middle of my brain feeling like it’s both dry and on fire all at the same time. It’s quite an unpleasant feeling, and I don’t wish it on anyone. My body’s full of a weird kind of adrenaline, so I’m either going to end up injured or in jail at some point in the near future if I don’t learn to control the fury!!!

    Now, everyone, go get your nosh on!

    Beaux

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