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From Okra to Orthodoxy

June 4, 2012 by The Yum Yum

Okay, I seriously hope I’m not running out of steam within writing my food blog. It seems as though it’s been ages since I’ve actually cooked something, and now the Great Publix Adventure that occurs every week has been indefinitely postponed as we seem to aim for pizza as it’s more convenient.

We’re still eating on the food leftover from Gigi’s Homecoming. I discovered last night the delicious nature of mixing together squash dressing and okra. The fact that I’m loving all this Southern food seriously disturbs me, as it means that my parents’ genes are slowly activating within me, and that fated reality of every person is appearing: I’m becoming my parents!

Of course, the reality is that my parents aren’t terrible people, so it’s not a terrible thing to become like them or anything. I’m just shocked that I would end up liking Southern food as much as I do.

But this may also be the fact that I’m getting older and am highly fed up with processed foods in general. Our entire society seems to be so shallow and over-processed in general that my inner crankiness is manifesting early on in life. I’m not nihilistic and suggesting that life is without purpose or meaning, but I am criticizing the skanky, shallow portrayels and manifestations of it.

Sometimes, I just want to walk to my front door, look at the world, and scream at the top of my lungs, “WHAT THE *BLEEP* IS GOING ON HERE?”

I also frequently feel so ill-tempered that the characterization of me by my friends that I should be a nun is not far off. People say that I remind them of how a nun is- peaceful, serene, religious, and such- and I reply that I would be the nun who smacks other people with the ruler. In fact, there are many people I hear running their mouths on a daily basis that I think should be smacked with a ruler, including some of my relatives who would do better off not sending me their junk emails. (This is not a reference to Gigi, but you others, watch out- I have a ruler!) :)

Also, I think I would look good in a habit. 

Unfortunately, being male, I’m not a candiate for joining up with the nuns and would have to become a monk. If I could acquire an Orthodox monk’s habit, I would still resemble a nun, as the monks’ habits typically have a hood that goes with them. Once again, I defeat the System.

And then I would equip my ruler and begin the smacking of ignorant people, of which there would be quite a few. I already predict that my arm would be tired, so my monastery would need to hire a full-time masseuse to keep my arm from sustaining permanent injury. I could also charge per smack, so $5 per smack would rack up the dough pretty fast.

Then my monastery and I could open a business- a restaurant- where you could be smacked to salvation and get a good dinner all at the same time. “Brother Maria Sophia’s Southern Food Smackdown” where you get good food and the Gospel all in one stop: everything from okra to Orthodoxy.

We could also have pro-wrestling on TV at the same time.

Can I get an “amen”?

Now, go get your nosh on!



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