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  1. A New Crap Storm Online: Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro

    May 14, 2013 by The Yum Yum

    Normally, I abstain from watching much TV, especially reality TV and shows such as Kitchen Nightmares. I don’t see myself owning a restaurant in the future (perhaps a coffeehouse, but that’s still a dream), so these shows don’t interest me, but…

    BuzzFeed brought this article about Amy’s Baking Company, Etc. to my attention quite randomly today. I don’t really follow Gordon Ramsey because sometimes I find him to be a blowhard who’s simply looking for something, anything to criticize whether such a thing exists or not; he’s obviously the chef version of the notorious Simon Cowell of the famed (infamous?) American Idol.

    However, to his credit, I will say that Gordon Ramsey had an absolutely insane pair of restaurant-owners on his hands this go-around. Everything he said to them was 100% deserved.

    What this entire situation is going to teach you is to not put yourself out there in public, to not act insane or stupid on camera, to not berate and belittle the people who are helping you, trying to help you, or doing you a big favor in some way (such as, I don’t know, dining in your restaurant to support your living). The entire situation is a lesson-learned about how if you screw people over and the screw-over spills over into the internet, the internet will destroy you.

    Remember what happened with Applebee’s a few months ago? Here we have a nice little repeat, and we have more with which to work: the entire episode of this ridiculous couple is freely available all over the internet, including the second half of the episode being available on the article I posted above.

    To see for yourself the damages occurring, you can check out Amy’s Baking Company simply by going to its Facebook.

    There are too many issues to begin to address them all properly, but we’ll start with the insane name of this place: “Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro.” 

    Dear Amy: we use commas in English for a reason. Facebook is not holding some kind of Nazi-rally and putting all the commas in a concentration camp to gas them to death. That should be “Amy’s Baking Company, Bakery, Boutique, and Bistro,” though you could probably get away with “Boutique & Bistro.”

    Now back to the point: The problem is, of course, that the owners, Samy and Amy, are crazy. Not just a little crazy, but outrageously crazy. Two control freaks, one of which has little control over anything going on in her kitchen, who defy and argue with every customer.

    So, let’s be frank: one huge rule in the world of business is that “the customer is always right.” Now, we know that in common sense land, that isn’t the reality of the case, but we put up with it because we don’t want our good customers ever receiving bad service. People grin and bear the bad customers for the sake of the people who make the job actually worthwhile and pleasant.

    But to argue with every customer, to decry that anyone who criticizes your food doesn’t know how to eat, doesn’t know what good food is, has no concept of flavor, and then to ask Gordon Ramsey to prove that all those critics are incorrect only to begin disagreeing with even him the moment he reveals that the pizza was both too sweet and raw (proof is on camera as you can see the uncooked dough), that the burger was greasy (also on camera), that the salmon burger was completely dry (again on camera), and that the ravioli had a weird mixture of tastes (Ramsey says sweet and spicy ravioli is just too conflicting, but we don’t get actually get to taste it) is just ridiculous.

    Amy obviously doesn’t know what she’s doing.

    The service is obviously slow, the people are consistently dissatisfied with their food, the owners are control freaks, the owners also take ALL the tips from the servers, and…seriously?

    Since I went to the Facebook page and clicked “Like” on it, the total number of “Likes” has increased from 17,000 to almost 29,000; that’s in the matter of hours. People are trolling this awful restaurant (as well they should be) because the owners are downright awful. They’ve brought this on themselves, they’ve incurred the wrath of the Almighty Internet Users, and now, we’ll have to see what happens.

    Please, enjoy the show.

    Beaux


  2. Photo Blog Again: Biscotti and Pavlova

    April 24, 2013 by The Yum Yum

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    Some of my dessert experiments over the past few weeks. The chocolate strawberry pavlova was difficult to make; both of these desserts are slightly time-consuming on the one hand but not impossible by any stretch of the imagination.

    I’ll probably prepare the pavlova more often once I acquire a hand-mixer. In fact, I plan to remove several items of cookery from my home in Alabama to bring them to Florida and use them as we have a TON of cooking equipment that  rarely, if ever, gets used. The hand-mixer is not one of them, unfortunately, but that’s okay; I already know I’m bringing my bread maker down here and one of the food processors.

    I really have my eye on that electric griddle, too, and I might bring one of the toaster ovens.

    Why?

    Because I use these things. I use these things often. Or at least, I will.

    A toaster oven will help with my toasting things because there’s no point in heating up a HUGE oven to prepare, say, just one piece of toast.

    OH! The sandwich press will probably also come with me. I don’t think we’ve used that in years.

    Anyway, Turbo said the chocolate pavlova/meringue tasted just like malted milk balls, like Whoppers. And you know what? It really did.

    I’ve never baked a meringue before as I normally thing of unbaked meringues, but the hard meringue was delicious.

    Naturally, what I baked is not the only thing you can do with a baked meringue; you can make a literal lemon meringue, a cinnamon meringue, and so on down the list. The possibilities are endless.

    I also plan to make cinnamon biscotti soon. Cinnamon almost always trumps chocoalte in my book, so it’ll be a welcome recipe.

    Beaux


  3. Miami Photos!

    April 23, 2013 by The Yum Yum

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    What you must understand is that these photos are taken from the SEVENTH STORY of the El Palacio…on our balcony.

    You can see the Casino across the way in them.

    I thought I took more photos…that, or Turbo didn’t send them all to me, but I probably only snapped four pictures and then forgot that’s all I took.

    Also, these photos don’t begin to do justice to how breath-taking the view was, especially at night when so much of that was lit up.

    For the record, Turbo and I realized only after we arrived in Miami that last year’s zombie attack took place there. We were fortune in that we encountered neither zombie nor Golden Girls during the trip.

    At one point in time, I really wanted to move to New Orleans, but the reality is that after that incident in 2010 of almost dying there, I’ve decided that Miami is indeed a much nicer destination.

    Beaux


  4. Adventures in Miami

    April 20, 2013 by The Yum Yum

    Friday of last week, Turbo and I headed on an adventure to his cousin’s wedding in Miami. This is the furthest I’ve ever ridden in a car with someone, about a 10-hour drive. Trips to New York were longer than this, but they were by bus, so the experience was different.

    Naturally, the first several hours were simply not doable for me; I reclined until about 8 or 9 AM; I’m not sure which, mainly because a time change occurred somewhere on I-10.

    We used the GPS and MapQuest, both of which had a mistaken address that was used. The main journey Miami wasn’t the problem; the problem happened once we arrived there.

    The night before, we ordered pizza from Pizza Hut to help sponsor the Tater Tot’s school, and I made tuna salad sandwiches; we spent the drive down there consuming most of these deeelicious items.

    The first issue was the incorrect address that somehow both Turbo and his brother had separately entered. We drove around an area of Miami where the hotel should have been but wasn’t, doubling back several time. At last, Turbo’s auntie and the bride came through, and they guided us back to the main road on which we were driving to the extremely huge El Palacio Hotel.

    As luck would have it, Turbo’s Auntie had put us up in a room on the 7th floor, and it was a room with a view.

    Did I mention the hotel was situated next to a casino?

    Other than the huge ruckus of attempting to find the hotel, Miami itself was FANTASTIC…definitely not what I expected, though. I expected a large, looming city, the likes of Chicago or New York, but we were in the north Miami area, and…

    …it was balmy. And most of the buildings were low, like on the ground. Oh, and by balmy, I mean the weather was fiercely hot and humid, and the wind seemed to constantly being blowing the scent of salt sea air at us. I love the scent of the ocean, and for once, I was smelling the actual Atlantic ocean and not the Gulf of Mexico. Pretty nifty!

    Panama City has palm trees, but not like Miami; pretty much every tree was a palm tree, a fact I rather enjoyed.

    The wedding took place in some big, nondescript Moddy Protty (Modern Protestant) church; the decorations were of blue and white and were nice, and while I had been worried we wouldn’t make it in time to attend the wedding (scheduled to begin at 6 PM), I learned suddenly that a wedding for which we would drive a total of 20 or so hours and for which I dreaded that we would be late because of a mistaken hotel address wouldn’t start until 6:30 PM and would last a total of 15 minutes.

    15 minutes.

    FIFTEEN FREAKIN’ MINUTES!

    But rest assured, when Turbo and I marry, our Big Fat Anglo-Catholic Wedding Mass, complete with incense and bell-ringing, will be longer than 15 minutes.

    The reception took place at a separate location which was also slightly difficult to find. I guess people in Miami are bad with directions.

    There, I was able to meet a number of Turbo’s family members, including his brother, nephew, several cousins, and two aunties.

    Naturally, they all loved me, and I loved them all immediately. The best part was that no one cared that we’re a same-sex couple; it wasn’t an issue, no whispering, no weird looks. Turbo kept trying to reassure me that in the real world, no cares about whether someone is gay or not, and I keep trying to explain to him that I didn’t grow up in the real world but in a land where most people get things backwards on purpose for reasons that no one in either the real world or the backwards one have been able to explain to me.

    However, one his well-meaning cousins, in an attempt to make polite conservation, starting asking me about RuPaul’s Drag Race. Now, for those of you who know me, you probably know that my interests lie elsewhere, and I understand she meant well, but it was kind of funny for the first time in my life to have someone try to relate to me strictly through stereotypes of gay people.

    The food took place at the Jubilee Ballroom, a delightful banquet hall. This is where we stayed for hours and hours.

    I should mention at this point that my head began hurting from the stress of worrying about whether or not we would arrive in time much earlier in the day, and so I basically suffered through the ballroom experience. The place was lovely, the servers were kind, but then…

    …the entire ceremony of toasting and such broke down into extreme dirty dancing to pop music blared far too loudly. I couldn’t handle it, to say the least, and finally, Turbo, in a gesture of grace, removed us from the banquet hall.

    The hotel room had a great view, and the room itself was so cold that I initially turned on the heater but then turned it off, opting instead to open up the balcony door and all the hot air of the outside to enter. I also finished off a tuna sandwich and downed five tylenol at this point in effort to stop my headache.

    Our view stood above the pool, mini-golf course, and horse-track racing. GREAT stuff; we sat outside for a while, just enjoying the scene. Then Turbo’s brother came to our room and visited with us a bit. I felt bad because I was in so much pain and so filled with anxiety that I remained somewhat stand-offish to everyone for most of the night, but it wasn’t intentional; I just felt awful.

    The trip back saw me driving part of the way because Turbo became drowsy. I drove for about an hour and a half on the road, I think, and then we visited a new rest stop, switched again, and Turbo brought us home.

    (I napped on 231 again while listening to his self-recorded albums.)

    He warned me that a similar trip will be taken when we head to Tampa in September for the Depeche Mode concert. (Depeche Mode is Turbo’s favorite band.)

    So, that’s my Miami trip!

    Beaux

     


  5. Adventures in Biscotti Making

    April 19, 2013 by The Yum Yum

    Another neat cooking show that I’ve watched recently is “Cook Yourself Thin.” They offer a wide variety of interesting recipes and alternatives to typical dishes that are surprisingly loaded with calories to an extent that you might find it shocking how much bad food one consumes in a day.

    The swaps and alternatives in this case are not what you would expect. The unfortunate problem with many dieting programs is that their idea is to simply take away from you all the foods you actually like eating, such as the chocolates and the butter and so on. This poses a problem because one is accustomed to having the delicious flavors and foods that are comforting and familiar, and suddenly being thrown into a world of bean sprouts and lettuce leaves with no real flavor to them is not only daunting but awful and cruel.

    So, the girls on “Cook Yourself Thin” make genius swaps and don’t compromise on flavor.

    I’ve watched more episodes than I can count at this point, and Turbo even became so excited over the recipes one day (especially the low-fat quiche!) that he downloaded the cookbook on his Kindle for a mere $2.99.

    Last month or so, Turbo bought biscotti…and basically, I ate it all within a few days. This was bad news because I was attempting to not eat sugar, and I’ve discovered that in my life, “not eating sugar” is just not going to happen. Sugar isn’t quite up there with caffeine for me, but I do think I’ve inherited my paternal grandfather’s tendency to want something sweet after my meal.

    Lo and behold, Cook Yourself Thin had an episode featuring chocolate cranberry biscotti. Yes, you read that correctly.  (Click on that to see the recipe.)

    So what did I do? I took my happy little self to the kitchen one day and began making the recipe. No reason to hold back; the worst that could happen is ending up with brownies or something.

    But what did happen?

    Well, I ended up using too much flour, and so I had to use additional water, and I thought the biscotti hadn’t turned out right. In fact, part of it crumble during the cutting process.

    Biscotti is so-named because it must be baked twice. In this case, the biscotti is actually baked three times; the initial time, after which it is cut; then 10 minutes or so on each side. The recipe states that the cookies will crisp after cooling, and this is 100% true.

    Also, if you do dare to use this recipe, I highly suggest using foil and not the wax paper. I use wax paper to make the biscotti the second time, and it just didn’t turn out right.

    The second time, my biscotti wasn’t plentiful enough, and so it hardened too much in the original baking. I just cut it from there, and we ate it.

    The third time, I had no eggs; I learned then that apple sauce can be used as an egg substitute in the case of baking brownies and chocolate things, so I went with that instead.

    Not only did the biscotti turn out fantastic, the apple flavor did not appear or overpower the cocoa powder at all, and we had a TON of low-fat biscotti drizzled with chocolate.

    This third time, I doubled the recipe, and that yielded enough biscotti for Turbo, Tater-bug, and me to eat for two days or so.

    The best thing about the biscotti is that it tastes like real biscotti in that it isn’t overpoweringly sweet like some store-bought varieties, but it isn’t like dipping a sheer piece of bread in one’s coffee, either. There’s a balance of flavor, a balance of power that is essential in food.

    Also, I learned that baking requires one to separate the dry and wet ingredients, mixing them separately before mixing them altogether.

    Oh, before I forget…I didn’t use cranberries or almond extract oil at any point.

    Tonight, we’re going to get the ingredients to make our own personal pizzas, and for dessert, I plan to make a chocolate meringue I saw yesterday on Cook Yourself Thin. Be sure to check out that entry as well, whenever it does finally show up; in the meantime, I must gear up to write about the adventure Turbo and I had traveling to and from Miami.

    Beaux


  6. The Kimchi Chronicles

    April 16, 2013 by The Yum Yum

    My interest in Japan began at age 11 but was probably prefaced by several years of exposure to various interests that actually had their origin in Japan. I continuously blame the English dub of Sailor Moon while not giving enough credit to things like Nintendo.

    As time progressed, I naturally took interest in other Asian countries and their languages. Imagine my delight when the second semester of my high school sophomore year began with the introduction of a Korean exchange student, Eun Seong Kim.

    For the convenience of American speakers, Eun Seong went by “Emily.”

    Eun Seong had the kind of quiet, respectful personality many Americans would assume a person raised in Asian society would have. She was giving and cheerful but reserved.

    She wrote my name in Japan, and I wrote her name in Korean. Awesome, huh?

    Eun Seong also gave me a package of “Kimchi Mat Kim,” or “Kimchi-flavored Seaweed.” Kimchi Mat Kim is eaten as a snack in Korea in the way we eat, say, potato chips. However, Kimchi Mat Kim is much healthier, I would daresay, and much more interesting.

    My love for eating seaweed began that day.

    I actually still have the package she gave me tucked away somewhere because I used to do a kind of scrap-booking in high school that wasn’t real scrap-booking; I recall endlessly looking at the words on the package, trying to decipher the Korean alphabet. Not long after that, I studied the Korean alphabet (Hangul) and learned how to read Korean.

    That’s always been a funny situation: I can read Korean but have no idea what I’m reading. Well, that is, until I acquired Rosetta Stone, and I’ve been studying Korean for a while now. Sort of.

    I remember the horrifying day when one of the classmates asked Eun Seong, “What’s up?” Eun Seong didn’t understand; she thought he was asking her where she was from. The guy, a resident of Slocomb who was not gifted with God’s greater portion of common sense, simply kept on, saying, “WHAT. IS. UP?”

    Eun Seong had to ask the teacher what the guy meant.

    Now, stop and think about the phrase “What’s up?” for a second. The literal meaning of that sentence would be, “What does the direction ‘up’ mean?” or “What is in the direction of up?” A person visiting from another country isn’t necessarily going to understand the slang.

    I get so sick of hearing people complain about how others should just learn English, especially in south ALABAMA of all places. I grew up hearing people brutalize, rape, and murder the English language, so they should shut their damned mouths and learn how to speak their NATIVE AND ONLY LANGUAGE properly before they begin criticizing people who are imperfectly speaking a language that is not their native tongue.

    Anyway, back to the point: my love for Korean stayed, and I happened upon a TV show a few weeks ago called “The Kimchi Chronicles” which documents a half-Korean woman who sought out her birth mother and culture in Korea and now prepares an American version of traditional Korean dishes.

    The best part of this show, I think, is that not only do we get to see their slightly Americanized versions of the recipes, we’re first shown, in Korea, how the dishes are traditionally prepared and often given a history behind the origin of the recipes.

    Needless to say, this show has become like my own personal brand of crack. Seriously.

    Korean food resembles other styles of Asian cuisine on several points, notably the ample use of rice, vegetables, and seafood. Korean food also contains a special feature that I’ve rarely seen in other Asian cuisine, the heavy use of chili powder.

    Notable to Korean cuisine is kimchi, a spicy, fermented cabbage. Kimchi is fermented for varying periods of time, usually a few days from what I’ve seen. I’ve only had kimchi a handful of times in my life, and it was a poor quality store-bought brand. But at least I had some.

    Luckily, Turbo lives right down the road, literally, from a Korean grocery store. I’m 99% sure they’ll have kimchi, good quality kimchi, of some sort.

    Kimchi can be used in versatile ways. For instance, I’ve seen the cooks on The Kimchi Chronicles stir-fry the kimchi in fried rice a few times, and almost every other dish either uses kimchi or kochujang, red pepper sauce.

    Another popular Korean dish is bulgogi, which translates to “fire meat,” or more specifically, a kind of barbecue that’s popular in Korea. On the episode I watched the other day, it showed that the bulgogi is eaten by placing it in leafy green vegetables with rice. How much healthier can you get? The carbs are severely cut, and the flavor must be immense!

    Korean food is a heaven idea for someone like myself who likes spicy and healthy food.

    Anyway, the Kimchi Chronicles come on the “Create” channel here in Florida, and you can see the list of 13 episodes by visiting the official website here. 

    Beaux

     

     


  7. Chili’s in Panama City: The Worst Dining Experience Ever

    April 15, 2013 by The Yum Yum

    So, on this particular day, not only was I in a bad mood, I had the single worst dining experience in the history of my life.

    Turbo decided that we should go out to eat at Chili’s. We sat in silence for most of the time because of a slight squabble that was going on.

    Noticeably, during the daytime, the Chili’s looked like an old barn someone had purchased and only halfway renovated in efforts to make it appear vaguely like a restaurant. Had a cow come around the corner at any point, my surprise would’ve been far less than one might expect.

    We arrived around lunch time, and luckily, the place wasn’t ridiculously crowded. However, that’s where the good part of this story ends.

    First, the host sat us next to a table that had at least 10 children. We sat in a teeny, tiny booth that wasn’t fit even for two of the seven dwarves. Also, if a person of a large size than, say, maybe 200 pounds had been sitting there, their ample frame would’ve been right in the middle of the aisle.

    The children weren’t the worst part; the fact that they and their family were collectively the loudest people that have ever dined outside of the home made the experience worse.

    Our server, whose name I can’t remember (luckily for him), took thousands of years to get our order and finally bring us our food. We may have been there for an hour, we may have been there for months, I don’t actually know.

    Under the vast majority of circumstances, I’m the single most benign human being when it comes to servers and the stress under which they find themselves; I understand they’re waiting on multiple tables, trying to please multiple people, working as the messengers between a steamy room full of angry cooks and a noisy room full of grouchy patrons cursed with low blood sugar.

    However, this guy looked cracked out.

    As usual, I ordered an appetizer: the pretzel bites with honey mustard dipping sauce. I think some other kind of sauce came with it.

    And my bad luck had yet to run out: my food had been placed right in front of me and Turbo for a few seconds when a man and his child walked by, and what did that child do?

    He sneezed, profusely and generously, all over my food.

    Out of the thousands, millions, infinite number of places in the entire universe and even here on humble planet Earth, the one place the the three-year-old had to sneeze was on my damned food.

    The man apologized, but apologies mean nothing in the face of food that has been seasoned with the mucus of a snotty three-year-old.

    At that moment, if I could have rounded up all the children in the world and dropped them off at a Gingerbread House complete with a witch in the middle of a forest, I would’ve done so with little hesitation.

    The word of advice: do not go to Chili’s in Panama City. The food is awful, the servers are awful, the atmosphere is awful, and I’m giving them absolutely no stars. If I never eat at that restaurant again, it will be too soon.

    Beaux


  8. Thoughts on Expanding the Yum Yum

    April 15, 2013 by The Yum Yum

    As much as I love cooking, as much as I love eating, as much as I love discussing food, making food, serving food, and sharing food, I can’t help but wonder if I should go back to writing about, well, whatever I want.

    At the end of the day, the focus of this blog was narrowed down based on the advice of one of my friends who explained that blogs need a specific topic, a specific focus. However, sometimes, I’m not in the mood to write about cooking, and sometimes, I’m not in the mood to talk about food at all but really want to be comedic.

    I’ve thought about writing more comical entires based on my own personal perceptions of things…so maybe I’ll start exaggerating everything that happens in my life and see how people take that.

    Beaux


  9. Dothan and Oyster Stew

    April 8, 2013 by The Yum Yum

    Back in Dothan for a few nights, I was asked relentlessly to make Oyster Stew for my friend Kelly and some of my other friends at the Deck.

    I only asked that Kelly get some milk for me, and I took care of the rest of the ingredients; I was able to buy shallots, celery, oysters, crackers, an energy shot, and a candy bar for $11 at the local Dollar General. GO ME!

    Then, I began the process at Kelly’s house of making the Oyster Stew.

    As some of you might know, I made a video of my preparing Oyster Stew at home a few years ago. Someone commented on the video and told me how I had “ruined the oysters” because I “cooked them too long.”

    And to be honest, that really hurt my feelings. I tried to counteract the statement by being funny about it, but the person persisted.

    Anyway, at Kelly’s, I added celery and shallots, ingredients I had not previously used. I also used half a gallon of milk and probably a gallon and a half of water. Needless to say, we ended up with a huge amount of delicious Oyster Stew.

    Did I forget to mention the stick of butter I put in it, y’all?

    But yes, the Oyster Stew turned out absolutely fantastic. I don’t know if I’ve ever made any that good- the rich, warm flavor with the exact right amount of saltiness and the smoked oysters popped in my mouth and doing their little dance for me was all wonderful.

    I think I cooked the stew for about 40 minutes total this time…part of the effort was to actually get it heated up as hot oyster stew is superior to cold oyster stew.

    Just remember: experiment with recipes. Try comparing fresh celery to celery seed; compare onions to green onions to onion powder.

    Beaux


  10. April 4, 2013 by The Yum Yum

    I cooked some MorningStar Meatballs in the microwave the other day, then made a mock little-smoky sauce.

    The recipe required ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, BBQ sauce, and brown sugar, if I’m not mistaken, and I was actually shocked that the sauce turned out tasting like, well, Little Smoky’s.

    Another popular variation to the Little Smoky taste is to use grape jelly and BBQ sauce; this does the trick as well.

    Also, I should recount that last week, when I traveled back to Alabama, I made a huge pot of oyster stew.

    An enormous pot.

    The biggest pot in the history of mankind.

    Maybe I’ve already written about this; I’m not sure. But oh, well; that oyster stew is worth discussing over and over again.

    The Little Smoky and Meatballs recipe arose from my wanting to recreate the Subway Meatball Marinara. I decided against that until later, and the Mock Marinara turned out fantastic, too.

    The best part? I made the sauces in the MICROWAVE and not on the stove top. Woohoo!
    Well, I’ll have to really, really get back to updating this blog more with actual and specific recipes…I’m pretty sure all my readers have turned their attention elsewhere at this point. I’ve actually considered closing this blog as I don’t seem to cook as much anymore, and I all but gave up the insane hassle of trying to photograph the food and upload it for everyone’s viewing pleasures.

    There are an enormous number of food and cuisine blogs out there as it is, most of which are vastly superior in design to mine.

    On the other hand, I could expand the topics of this blog and start writing about, well, anything I choose. We’ll see what happens.

    Beaux